I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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