I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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