i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
