Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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