If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
