Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
