Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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