Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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