Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
