the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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