I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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