I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
