please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
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I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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