i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Be still, my beating vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
