You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
