my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you didnt know i had herpes?
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FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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