My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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