no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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