Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
