dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
