where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize