just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
