i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
