We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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