My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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