I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
