sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
