Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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