I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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