You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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