Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
