If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
