you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
