fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
