we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
