it hurts more in the daytime
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
