last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
