I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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