you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize