It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
