I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
