I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I did not marry a roomba.
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