I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Quick, to the slutcave!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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