Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
