Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
