just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
