It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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