is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dear god my vagina.
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