my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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