i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Found your dick twin last night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
