They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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