My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
