Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
