Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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