they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
