He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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