His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
