Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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