so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
