Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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