I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
