margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
