so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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